A message from Mom

Just received your checks in a wet envelope inside a ziplock Baggie....Humm.....?Wonder what happened? I will take care of them tomorrow.
Love, mom

_____

Hey Mom,

That's great!  Checks!  I love money!  I'm going to buy so much stuff!!!  I hope you don't mind if I buy a lot of marijuana.  My supply has been pretty low lately.  That, or a bunch of lottery tickets.  Who knows--maybe we'll become rich!

Just tell me where I should pick them up.  I hope it's not a long drive, or even a flight.

Thanks again,

Josh

P.S.--your son has a great name, but it's not me.  What's his real address?  I receive a lot of emails for other Josh Douglas's.  See here:  http://wrongjoshdouglas.blogspot.com/

I accepted a new job!

Josh,

The address to the Bellingham office is [redacted].  Please come in tomorrow and see Sue and Richelle and they can help get your photo taken for your ID badge.

Look forward to your start next Monday. 

Brian

____

Hi Brian,

This is terrific!  I can't wait to start!

But I guess I need to quit my current job as a law professor in Kentucky?  And are y'all going to pay for my airfare up to Washington?  It's a beautiful state, although I hope my wife is ok moving so quickly.  I hadn't even told her I was being given a new job.  I wonder what she'll say.

Also, I assume I'll have a corner office, stocked with only blue M&Ms?  That was, after all, one of my demands.  I really hope I can add some value to your team.  But I really don't know anything about engineering.  Hope that's ok.

See you soon!

Josh

P.S.--I don't think you found the right Josh Douglas.  But the guy you hired has a great name!

I guess this means that Washington Josh didn't take the job with Dave...

"think she will pick me up, and maybe drop me off at the vet with my pet iguana afterward?"

This one came in today...

Josh –

I just got off the phone with Amy [redacted].  As you may recall, Amy is the project manager working on BARCO’s projects.  I asked Amy if she would be willing to meet with you as part of your networking efforts.  She said she would be glad to.  Aside from being a super nice person, she’s also remarkably well connected. 

Here’s Amy’s contact information:

[redacted]

I would suggest that you email Amy, send her a copy of your resume and ask if there would be a convenient time and place to get together for a cup of coffee.

Thanks,
Mike

____

Hi Mike,

Thanks so much. That's really nice of you. 

But I don't really do coffee. Think she'll do smoothies?  Actually, I also need to buy a new carpet for my house. Maybe we could just go carpet shopping together?

Also, think she will pick me up, and maybe drop me off at the vet with my pet iguana afterward?

And what's BARCO?  Blue Apple Raisin Creamy Octopus?  Sounds delicious!

Anyways, I always need more networking, so I really appreciate you reaching out. 

Best,

Josh

P.S.--I'm a lawyer in Kentucky, so probably not the right guy!  But Amy sounds nice, so maybe I should see if she can help me. Anyways, I imagine this other Josh is trying to make it in the real estate world, as I receive a decent number of emails for him. What's his real email address?  Maybe I can forward these things to him. And maybe he receives stuff for me. He sure does have a good name. Sorry for the silliness above. Just a little end of the day fun. Thanks!

Mike wrote back with a nice note.  He gave me the other Josh's email address (this is the first time someone has actually done that!) and concluded with "thank you so much for bringing the mistake to my attention and for doing so in such an entertaining and good natured manner."

I think the "bounce house" request was a little overboard!

This email came in at 10:46 am on a Friday...

Josh,

Just confirming that you received my voice mail. Whether you did or did not, please contact me.

Dave [redacted]
[Employer name redacted]
Bellingham, WA

Then, at 12:52 pm, before I had a chance to respond, I received a follow-up:

Josh,

If you need to discuss the benefits of working at [my company] versus other corporate entities, please give me call. [My company] invests way too much time and energy in training an individual, that we do not want that individual second guessing their commitment to [us]. We would prefer addressing questions and concerns prior to that individual making a commitment. When that individual comes on board, we want him firmly committed that this is the place he wants to spend his career. This is the place he can look back and say I helped that company get where it is today, which is a satisfying feeling compared to a larger corporate company where you contributions may or may not be noticed.

Salary wise, the Trainees salaries have increased 10 to 15% per year depending on their ability to produce and make a difference. While the salaries may be less than some other larger companies, we definitely know they increase greater as the responsibilities grow. With larger companies you learn less at a slower pace, and the salaries advance much slower.

If you need to talk, feel free to contact me, otherwise we await your reply.

Dave

Here is my response.  I couldn't help myself!

Dear Dave,

Thanks so much for your email. I'm thrilled to be offered employment with [your company], although I must say that given my career path and geographic location I was pretty surprised to learn this news. 

If I were to join your company I would request a few things:

-Relocation expenses from Kentucky

-Employment in your legal department 

-A corner office stocked with only blue M&Ms

-A dedicated parking spot and someone to greet me at the spot with a fruit smoothie when I arrive each morning

-Company-wide happy hours every Thursdays, with a bounce house at least once a month (every week would just be over the top!)

I really love your commitment to your employees and your dedication to making this a long-term career for me. Please let me know if you think this will work out. 

Best,

Josh

P.S.--I'm actually a lawyer in Kentucky. Although I know that Washington is beautiful, you obviously reached the wrong Josh Douglas. I hope the real guy takes the job!

Dave was gracious in his response:

Josh,

Thanks for the feedback, it is nice to know there are attorneys somewhere in the USA with a sense of humor.  I will let the other “Josh” know he has a clone.

Dave

"Its never a party until there's more then one person with the same first and last nameI

It's nice when other Josh Douglas's also have a sense of humor.

Awhile ago I was invited to the birthday party for the wife of a Josh Douglas in the DC area.  Here is what I wrote:

Hey, 

Good name!  

We used to live in DC--for about 10 years.  But we moved away 3 years ago and now live in Texas.  And we're moving to Kentucky this summer!

His response:

Oops! Sorry about that Josh.

Funny how I totally miss spelled my own email address. Of course, if you would be in DC on Feb 21st, you're more then welcome to come to dinner as its never a party until there's more then one person with the same first and last name. 

Good Luck on the move to Kentucky this summer!

-Josh

"You should really check out the breakfast tacos down here--they are incredible!"

Dear Joshua,

You have been selected for a personal interview for the Assistant Property Manager position at Prophetstown State Park.  Your interview time is 2:00 p.m. on January 10, 2007. Interviews will be conducted at the Property Office at Prophetstown State Park. 

Please come prepared to discuss your qualifications and feel free to bring any supportive materials you may wish to share with the interview team.

The interview team will consist of the following personnel:

[redacted]

Location of the Property Office:

Prophetstown State Park

Please respond via email to confirm your interview time.

If you have questions or require additional information, please feel free to contact me at the email address and/or mobile telephone number listed below.

Thank you and we look forward to visiting with you on the 10^th.

Terry [Redacted]

______

Dear Mr. [Redacted],

 

Thank you for your kind email.  I am extremely flattered to have been selected for an interview for this position.  I must admit that I am surprised to have been chosen, as I am a lawyer in Texas.  However, if you can provide me with a job description for the Assistant Property Manager position, I may consider coming to Indiana for the interview.  I doubt I am qualified, but who knows? 

 

Your state park looks beautiful from the pictures on your website, although I must admit that I am concerned about the cold weather there.  Also, do you have breakfast tacos in Indiana?  The breakfast tacos in Texas are amazing!

 

Again, thank you for your consideration.

 

Best,

 

Josh

P.S.--a google search of "Joshua Douglas Indiana" turned up: 

Joshua Douglas [phone number and address redacted]

Is this who you are trying to reach?

______

Josh...

Thank you for your response. As least I know I botched the email address. Sorry for the inconvenience!

Thanks again

Terry

About five months later...

Josh,

Just wanted to let you know that Mitch [redacted] was selected for the Assistant Manager position here at Tri-County. Thanks for taking the time to apply and participate in the interview. If I could give you a bit of advice for future interviews, it is imperative that you improve your communication skills. Even if it means taking a public speaking course and then giving presentations every chance you get. Good communication skills are a very important part of nearly every position with the DNR. Good Luck

Sincerely,

Stephen [Redacted]

______

Dear Mr. [Redacted],

Thanks for your email. I must say that I am quite disappointed in not being selected for the position, but I guess I am not all that surprised as I never applied for it, did not interview for it, and am not really sure I could handle the responsibilities of the Assistant Manager Position at Tri-County (I assume that is in Indiana?). As you will see from the email I pasted below, which I sent to Mr. [Redacted] back in January in response to his interview request, I live in Texas. You should really check out the breakfast tacos down here--they are incredible!

Thanks for the advice on my communication skills. As a lawyer, I am always looking to improve my presentation. I'll think about that public speaking course you mentioned.

I hope Mitch does well in the position. I am sure he is well qualified. I do hope, however, that the other Josh Douglas lands on his feet and is not as disappointed as I am. :)

Best,

Josh

_____

Josh, in Texas.

Sorry for the wrong email. Yes, this is in Indiana and I am sure you could handle the job, besides we could always use a good lawyer. It is about lunch time here and even breakfast tacos sound real good.

Stephen

Job rejection in about 13 seconds...

My counterpart apparently applied for a job with BP.  I received an email confirming that I had applied for the job, and I noticed his interesting answer to this question:

Do you have the essential education for this role as described above?

No

Hmmm...

Not surprisingly, about 13 seconds later I received another email:

We regret to inform you, that based on the information that you have provided, you do not meet the essential criteria and qualifications for this position. In order to secure the best people, we define specific and stretching minimum criteria for each role and as a result, many people do not progress any further than their initial application, which we can appreciate is disappointing. 

Poor guy...

"Bodies Needed"

Subject:  Bodies needed tomorrow night

Gentlemen, we are short a few for tomorrow night. First to reply are in. We could use up to 6. Please reply all to let the others know you have replied.

Thanks, Jason

My reply:

I'm always available to sacrifice my body for a good cause.  Then again, I have absolutely no clue what this is for, so I imagine you have the wrong Josh Douglas.  :)  That said, if you still need bodies then maybe I can help.

Jason's responses, in two separate emails:

Hockey.

Bud Gardens, 8:10.

So I wrote back:

Yeah, wrong guy.  If it was baseball I'd be your man.  And anyways, considering I live in Kentucky I doubt I can make it to Bud Gardens by 8:10.

[Note:  Google tells me that "Bud Gardens" is in Ontario, Canada!  This Canadian Josh must really be into hockey!]

Am I a hockey ref?

Subject: Exhibition/Tryout Games

Hi guys,
Below you'll find a list of current exhibition/tryout games for Mt. Brydges Minor Hockey. Please let me know which games you'd like to work and I'll do my best to fit you in.

Be aware, that I must be fair, so please don't ask for too many games. You won't get them all. lol

Thanks

My response:

I'd love to help. But I don't know much about the rules of hockey. I'm a baseball guy. And I'm in Kentucky!

(Which is all to say that I think you have the wrong Josh Douglas).

"If you can drink beer you can play hockey"

Subject:  Sunday hockey at 2:00

Hi Josh
Would be able to play tomorrow? I am unable to make it and we are short guys
Team is Century 21.
Let me know if you can?
Thanks
Cam

My response:

Hi Cam,

Hockey sounds great, but I've never played before!  Think they'll still want me?  I'm kind of a terrible skater...

Good luck!

Josh
P.S.  I get emails for another Josh Douglas somewhat frequently. Are you in Indiana?  I wonder what my namesakes email address actually is.

Cam wrote back:

Hi josh
Sorry I missed a letter in the address.
If you can drink beer you can play hockey. Lol
No I'm from Canada
Have a good day.