I think the "bounce house" request was a little overboard!

This email came in at 10:46 am on a Friday...

Josh,

Just confirming that you received my voice mail. Whether you did or did not, please contact me.

Dave [redacted]
[Employer name redacted]
Bellingham, WA

Then, at 12:52 pm, before I had a chance to respond, I received a follow-up:

Josh,

If you need to discuss the benefits of working at [my company] versus other corporate entities, please give me call. [My company] invests way too much time and energy in training an individual, that we do not want that individual second guessing their commitment to [us]. We would prefer addressing questions and concerns prior to that individual making a commitment. When that individual comes on board, we want him firmly committed that this is the place he wants to spend his career. This is the place he can look back and say I helped that company get where it is today, which is a satisfying feeling compared to a larger corporate company where you contributions may or may not be noticed.

Salary wise, the Trainees salaries have increased 10 to 15% per year depending on their ability to produce and make a difference. While the salaries may be less than some other larger companies, we definitely know they increase greater as the responsibilities grow. With larger companies you learn less at a slower pace, and the salaries advance much slower.

If you need to talk, feel free to contact me, otherwise we await your reply.

Dave

Here is my response.  I couldn't help myself!

Dear Dave,

Thanks so much for your email. I'm thrilled to be offered employment with [your company], although I must say that given my career path and geographic location I was pretty surprised to learn this news. 

If I were to join your company I would request a few things:

-Relocation expenses from Kentucky

-Employment in your legal department 

-A corner office stocked with only blue M&Ms

-A dedicated parking spot and someone to greet me at the spot with a fruit smoothie when I arrive each morning

-Company-wide happy hours every Thursdays, with a bounce house at least once a month (every week would just be over the top!)

I really love your commitment to your employees and your dedication to making this a long-term career for me. Please let me know if you think this will work out. 

Best,

Josh

P.S.--I'm actually a lawyer in Kentucky. Although I know that Washington is beautiful, you obviously reached the wrong Josh Douglas. I hope the real guy takes the job!

Dave was gracious in his response:

Josh,

Thanks for the feedback, it is nice to know there are attorneys somewhere in the USA with a sense of humor.  I will let the other “Josh” know he has a clone.

Dave