I'm a composer!

Here was a fun one:

Hi Joshua, 

We met just briefly after one of the [redacted] industry talks and I just wanted to say it was great chatting with you. I wondered: is there a spot I could check out more of your work somewhere online?

I hope your current projects continue to open more doors. I'd love to keep in touch and please consider me a resource if you have any questions about music and film.

I can't remember where you said you're based, but if you're ever in [redacted], give a shout and we should grab a coffee.

Best,

[Redacted]

___

Hi [Redacted],

Thanks for your email. We must have had a great conversation. Was I engaging? Did I tell stories? Jokes? I hope so! Did we talk about my love of tacos?

I love music and even played guitar at an open mic at a local coffee shop a few months ago. That was fun. I want to do it again. It sounds like you're in the UK? I played a song by Passenger, a British artist who is one of my favorites! (I also really like Counting Crows. They are touring in Europe right now!)

In high school and college I played trombone, and was even in a Latin band in college called Los Gringos. That was so much fun! I haven't done much composing, though I wrote a heartfelt song about a girl when I was in high school called "The Seasons of My Life." It's probably terrible, though.

Anyway, I'd love to learn more about your work. Maybe I should become a composer--at least if my current gig as a law professor doesn't work out. (Since you asked, you can learn more about my work here.) 

Alas, I don't think I'm the Joshua Douglas you met. He sounds (haha: sounds--music--composing) like a really cool guy! I wonder what kind of music he writes. You're really kind to reach out to him to offer your assistance. I hope you can find the composer Josh Douglas!

Josh

Does the apartment have a milkshake bar?

Good Afternoon,

I have a prospective tenant who is one of your current tenants at [address]. [Prospective tenant] has applied for one of our rental properties.

 

Attached is their signed application for release of information. Please provide the following information on them within 24 hours and thank you in advance for your assistance!

 

RENTAL VERIFICATION INFORMATION:

 

[List of questions]

 

____

Hi,

Oh, [name of prospective tenant]. What a great guy. Or a terrible guy. Or a so-so guy. Does he like tacos? He better like tacos or you shouldn't rent to him!

What kind of apartment is this? Does it come with a milkshake bar?

Alas, I'm not a landlord. Or know [prospective tenant]. Or have any idea what you're talking about. I'm in Kentucky. But the person you are trying to reach has a great name!

Josh (but probably not the Josh you want)

_____

Ooops! Sorry.  Is everyone from Kentucky so nice, with a great sense of humor?

_____

It must be the bourbon.

But you're not the first person to make this mistake: https://wrongjoshdouglas.blogspot.com/

Safety Committees

From "Dave":

Hi Josh,

How's it goin'?  I said I'd get a handover for you regarding the safety
committees.  I think I'll break it down into parts so it's not 
overwhelming.  There's OHS related stuff in Part 2 of the Workers'
Compensation Act and the related policies and guidelines, but there's
more than you need to know in there.  If you wanna find out the basis
for this stuff, that's the law.

[redacted]

I'll get back to you with the SWB schedule of recent and upcoming
elections.  I think the issue of regularly scheduled safety committee
elections need to be promoted fleetwide because some interested people
are left out if a co-chair just picks who they want or talks to their
watch to find a rep.

Take it easy,

Dave

_____

My response:

Dave! 

It's so great to hear from you. I'm excited about the Safety Committees. Safety is really important. Especially for us here in America, what with all of our guns. We love guns, apparently. 

We also love tacos. Do you love tacos? Tacos are the best. Will there be tacos at the Safety Committee meetings? If so, then I'm definitely in! Maybe you could add in an ice cream sundae bar. That would be really swell. Perhaps we should have a Food Committee for the Safety Committee? It could plan the food--and it would be super safe food! Tacos are safe! Everyone loves tacos! 

Alas, given your email address, I bet you wanted Canadian Josh Douglas, not Kentucky Josh Douglas. We're both bald(ing), so I see why people confuse us. 

Enjoy a Sleeman's Cream Ale for me!

Josh (but not the one you were trying to reach)

____

Dave's reply:

Hi Josh,

How's it goin'?  Oops.  I have no idea how I got your email address.  Sorry.  Regardless, greetings to Kentucky! 

I'm glad your heat stress plans involve Sleemans.  Nice, but I'm more partial to their Honey Lager.  And except for a few vegan types, we're much more likely to crave steaks over tacos.  Marinating the beef in lime juice is the only overlap there.  If only I could find some Henry Weinhard's on this side of the border.

Take it easy,

Dave

Summer camp!

I was put on an email list for parents of kids going to a summer camp in Connecticut. Here was my response:

I can't wait for [this camp]. Will there be popsicles? What about tacos? I love tacos! Is there an age limit? I'm in my 40s, but love a good summer camp. 

Alas, my kids (and I) are in Kentucky, not Connecticut. Do people still root for the Hartford Whalers there, even though they don't exist anymore? I'm a baseball fan, so the Hartford Yardgoats are more my speed.

Anyway, I think you reached the wrong parent. But it sounds like fun!

Can I Wear Shorts and Sandals to this Job Interview?

An email about an upcoming job interview:

Hi again Joshua,

 

We look forward to your interview taking place on Wednesday the 6th!

 

Our physical address [redacted].

 

Please remember to bring your 2 forms of ID when you come in to fill out your paperwork at 2:00PM.

 

Interview dress code is preferably Business Casual.

My response:

I'm so excited! But can I wear a t-shirt and shorts instead? I'm so much more comfortable that way.

If I don't have an ID, can I fill out a provisional form like I do for a provisional ballot when I vote?

Also, will there be tacos? I love tacos!

Josh

P.S. -- you have the wrong Josh Douglas, but I hope he lands the job!

This one is serious--I thought I was receiving ice cream!

 Hey Josh,

You're all confirmed for your 2 pints of Almost Apple Pie and 2 pints of Slumber Party ice cream! You know the drill for pickup :)

Glad you dug the ice cream and see ya Sunday between 11-1!

-Sydney

____

This sounds incredible. I LOVE ice cream. But I have no clue what this email is about. 

____

LOL I guess the wrong Josh Douglas! What a disappointing email this must be for you. But hey, if you ever find yourself in the Bay Area, check out @badwalters! We make dope ice cream :D

Am I an acting instructor?

Hey Josh, Just wanted to remind you that I’ll be absent from class March 16 & 18th. For what it’s worth this was planned before I registered for class.

Also wanted to say thank you for pairing me and my mom together. Didn’t even know it was something I wanted until after you assigned it. How many people get to act with their mom? And a scene like this?! Looking forward to it.

Jessica

_____

Jessica,

Thanks for your email. I'm glad you can have class with your mom. Acting is so much fun!

I act a lot, too. Like I'm acting right now in having any clue what class you are talking about! I do teach--but law, not acting. Though lots of people will say that lawyers are just actors in suits who charge too much.

Anyway, your teacher has a good name. Hope you can reach him for real!

Josh